Poppa Charlie

My Poppa had always been the epitome of health. The only ailment he'd ever had was slight arthritis in his hands. Always serving and always active, it came as a complete shock when he was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and given six weeks to live. My mom went to Arizona immediately following the diagnosis, taking Jon with her. I wanted to go out there but didn't know when. All of my mom's siblings were able to make it out to Arizona and I didn't want to take away from their time with him. They were able to videotape him telling life stories and every night, each kid had one-on-one time with him. Being the oldest, my mom took on all the responsibility and it was wearing on her. Hospice was there most of the time but a lot of it fell her my mom and her sister Mandy. After Poppa had a particularly rough day, my mom asked Ben if he would make him a shirt. 

Poppa had always been a huge fan of genealogy so Ben incorporated the roots. He loved the shirt and wore it as often as he could. 

I finally was able to make it work and made it to Arizona. I got there late on a Friday night and went straight to him. He said my name, kissed my cheek and thanked me for being there. At this point he was getting morphine every hour so we set up a schedule with myself, my mom, Mandy and my cousin Adam. We also set up a schedule so that someone was always sitting with him. He was not conscious most of the time but I had a really special moment, my last one ever with him. I was sitting with him, alone, listening to his favorite Classical station on Pandora. I was holding his hand and thinking about times with him when my favorite classical song came on. I got really overwhelmed and started crying. Poppa opened his eyes, saw me and puckered his lips. I leaned up to him, he kissed my cheek and I told him that I loved him. He smiled and then closed his eyes. He didn't open his eyes again. It became an awful waiting game, his heart was so strong and fought to keep him alive, even though he wasn't conscious. Sunday night was horrific. I will never forget it. I made my mom and Nanna take a sleeping pill and put them to bed. My uncle Stewart, his wife Cynthia and I stayed up all night, waiting. Monday morning, he was gone. 

After talking with Ben, we decided that I would stay there until the funeral for sure, maybe even longer. A lot of the siblings had to go back to their homes, with the plan to come back for the funeral. My mom had been taking care of everyone for the last six weeks and needed a break. It was the best option for me to take on the role for her. It was nice for me to bond even more with my Nanna. I took on the funeral and thought that there should be a room filled with photos of Poppa and memorabilia, especially since we wouldn't be having a viewing. I asked Nanna if there were any photos she wanted in particular and she gave me a list. After going through all the physical photo albums, folders on computers and phones I had found all of them but one. It was the one Nanna wanted more than any of them and it was alluding us. All she knew was that he was on a boat but didn't know where or when it was taken. It was disappointing but I didn't give up. I was looking on the computer again when I decided to try a different hard drive. After clicking around I came across a folder I hadn't seen before. In it were folders labeled with the kid's names. And in one of those folders, the photo we had been looking for. It was like a treasure trove of photos. The kids that were there all crowded around the screen while we looked at photos some of them hadn't ever seen before. 

We decided it would be the perfect picture to have on display in the church. 

Nanna's two step-sisters from England came to help. I love my Great-Aunts Sue and Laura. They are not only hilarious but just lovely people. I wish they could have stayed longer and gotten to spend time with my kids. We went up to Sedona, drank tea by the pool, went to an LA Dodgers Spring Training game and talked about anything and everything. 

Mandy, Nanna, Stewart, Mom, Sue, Laura

I loved feeling helpful and getting to spend so much time with Nanna but it was emotionally draining. There were so many different emotions going on. I got really sad one day when I found some things out about Poppa that we had in common. I had no idea that we had the same taste in art, a taste that no one else in my immediate family had. I wish I had known and we could have shared that together. It was really hard to see my mom so broken. It was hard trying to help Nanna with her new life and all the decisions she had to make. Poppa had always taken care of her and she was feeling really lost. I really missed Ben and the kids. I had been gone almost two weeks, with no end date in sight. The kid's spring break was coming up and I wanted them to come to Arizona but I also knew it would be a lot to ask of Ben. Doing that drive all by himself would be difficult. I asked though and he agreed, of course, because he's awesome like that. It was also helpful to have him there, Nanna had a lot of projects that she needed help with. Jon and done some of them when he was there and Ben was happy to help. 

I loved getting pictures when they were on their way. They sure are troopers! They got to be with cousins that they hadn't met before and others that they hadn't seen in years. A lot of memories made for sure. 

My mom's family

All the grandchildren and great-grandchildren that could make it.

Two weeks after Poppa had been diagnosed Avery sang a part of "For Good" from Wicked in a school concert. We videoed it and sent it to my mom. She showed it to Poppa, who, of course, loved it. When I was helping Nanna with the funeral plans we were talking about musical numbers. My uncle Chuck would do one for sure but then Nanna wanted to ask Avery if she would sing the song she did a solo for. The song was painfully fitting but I didn't know if Avery could emotionally handle it. I asked and she said she would try. I have never been so proud of her. As soon as she started who could hear the crying. It didn't effect her though, in fact, she sought out those that were crying, made eye contact and smiled, hoping to give some comfort. 

You can listen to it here: Avery singing "For Good"

We stayed a couple more days, had Easter and then started the long drive home. Saying goodbye to Nanna was the hardest. I loved taking care of her and I know she appreciated it. She kept trying to convince me to just move in with her! This was, at the time, the hardest thing I'd ever been through. Watching someone you love fade away, watching those you love struggle to face each day and feeling so helpless in your own sadness. At the same time though, I saw miracles happen. I saw relationships that had been strained become mended. I saw pain about the past turn into understanding and acceptance. I saw unconditional love and a family bonding together. I felt peace in the fact that I would see Poppa again and that I know he's watching over us.