In fact, she spent the better part of our marriage nurturing my nerd-ness. Among other nerdy things, she has given me: subscriptions to Popular Science; Galileo's: Dialogue Concerning the Two Chief World Systems (1632); the full Lord of the Rings Trilogy (books AND movies); Magnets; A wrought-iron puzzle; Several classic Rubik's puzzles (including the Rubik's Magic AND 25th anniversary Master Magic); Tree and Bird identification books; a MENSA-brand collection of IQ-enhancing Tests; a Classic Atari video-game emulator; and a membership to the local science museum.
You can see that she has had ample warning that she was marrying a nerd, that she has continued to develop that nerd, or at least to allow my existing nerd-ness to go unrefined. Which is why the following event came as a shock to me: A few days ago, my wife rolled her eyes at me! This wasn't just any old eye-roll. It wasn't the classic "I can't believe you forgot to take out the trash, again" eye-roll. Or the nefarious "I can't believe that you actually read books about (insert nerdy subject here)" eye-roll. It wasn't even the innocuous "I can't believe that you just played the Wii for 5 hours straight" eye-roll. No it was far more sinister. She gave me the unforgivable "I can't believe I married a nerd" eye-roll.
What could merit such an act of consternation on her part? All I did was sit down at the end of a hard day to relax by playing with "my little box" (her words). No, she wasn't referring to an XBox, nor one of the cardboard variety. She was alluding to that marvel of modern structural engineering and master stroke of simple elegance: The Rubik's Cube. Apparently, my desire to solve the Cube for the 200th time had finally resigned her to accept the fact that she married a nerd.
I was first exposed to the Rubik's Cube in 1984. Amidst the first great cube craze of the early 80's, my parents bought me a cube for my birthday. While on a road trip to North Carolina, I quickly became frustrated with my inability to solve it completely. Being young, and wanting to return the cube to its perfect state, I took off the stickers and reapplied them correctly. Half the stickers fell off in the subsequent days as I continued to wrestle with the cube. I eventually learned to solve it by disassembling it and putting it back together, which was obviously cheating. But stymied by missing stickers and rife with frustration I abandoned all interest.
A decade later, during my high-school musical 'Into the Woods', I spent a lot of time back-stage, and noticed one of the stage-crew playing with a cube. I was mind-blown to see him actually solve it in about 5 minutes. I thought it was a trick, so I mixed it up and demanded he repeat the task. Again, in 5 short minutes he solved the cube. It turns out that solving the Rubik's Cube isn't just some mathematical skill that comes inborn with being a genius. There is a systematic way to align all of the similarly colored cubies. Once he'd taught me the 'system' which included some intuitive solving, and a half dozen learned combinations of turns, or algorithms, I finally solved the cube on my own. This culminating moment coincided approximately with the end of play's production, and so my interests were soon focused elsewhere, and my cubing skills were quickly forgotten.
Half a decade later, during a preparation-day on my Mission in the depths of Argentina, a good mission-friend of mine was mailed a cube. He had learned to solve them as a kid, and showed off his skills. Several of us were impressed, me included, since I'd long forgotten all the algorithms I'd memorized. I bought a cube, and with the help of some friends, rededicated myself to the art of solving the it. This came in tremendously handy since there wasn't much else to do on long bus-rides across the pampa, or to take your mind of the Work on p-days. My very best friend in the world who was in the same are also bought a cube, and we relished in the learning of this secret art, and became quite proficient at solving. I could solve in about 2 or 3 minutes, which was twice the speed of my original teacher, and I felt accomplished. Eventually my cube broke, so I moved on, and lost interest as time eroded all I'd learned.
Then, 6 months ago, I kept seeing cubes everywhere. In movies: (Dude, where's my car; Hellboy; Pursuit of Happiness; WALL-E), at the offices of clients I visited, in friends homes. Each step I took past them in the toy section of any store echoed with the mocking voice of defeat. I'd had enough. I wasn't upset because I couldn't solve the cube, but because it exemplified my mind's weakness and inability to retain information. Not only would I re-learn to solve the cube for the third time... but this time I'd make it stick. I bought a cube and decided to make it an obsession.
Instead of just solving the cube, I'd get smart about it. I researched the many different methods for solving, and settled with the Petrus Method. (www.lar5.com/cube) It is the most efficient, and has the fewest number of algorithms (or turn combinations) to memorize (Just three!). I also gave myself a goal of solving the cube in under a minute. This is faster that your average nerd, but very achievable. (The world record for the fastest solve of a completely mixed cube is just under 10 seconds) I figured that the practice it would take to get my times down would help me remember what I'd already forgotten twice.
If you've made it this far into this story without tuning out, then you either already knew or have just realized that I really am a nerd. Any condolences you can give to my wife, who is married to a nerd, would be appreciated. And to my dear wife, who's patience has preserved her through my recent obsession: I'm down to a minute and twenty seconds sweetie! You'll only have to endure a few more weeks until I pick up some other geeky hobby!
6 comments:
At least you're a sexy nerd, that's why I married you.
You don't sound nerdy, you sound talented and cool in a brainy way.
It's all how you looks at it.
very very fun ben. don't give up the inner-nerd - nurture it! :D
Ben, you are much more a genius than a nerd. You simply wonder about EVERYTHING! You do a thousand things nerds can't do (like fix cars, Tango, build furniture, sing, sword-fight, hit a bulls-eye with a bow and arrow, and recognize where to pan for gold,) so don't give me that stuff.
And you write really funny blog entries!
Nicki told me just today how glad she is you are a creative genius, because you figured out a way to change the hinges on your new TV cabinetry so the doors can open all the way. AWESOME.
(But you do have a ways to go at growing tomatoes successfully.)
I agree with Mom and Jennie. Eccentric, maybe, but not nerdy. You're too socially cognizant and dress too well to be a true nerd. You do have nerdy tendencies, but you manage to keep them from turning you completely to the dark side.
Speaking of cabinet hinges, do I have a job for you! very short and not time consuming, just brain cell taxing. Too taxing for me: find a hinge that will allow my lazy susan door to open and doesn't stick out into said lazy susan's turning area (which it currently does and knocks everything off the outer 3" of the lazy susan as it turns.)
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