Life with a new baby (by Ben)

I have to admit that I don't really live with my new baby. Or my wife and kids for that matter. I'm up and to work before they are awake most every day, and by the time I get home from work, there's just enough time have dinner together, and play with the kids for an hour or so before they go to bed. That's if I'm not at work late, or at scouts. Really the only good solid time I get to spend with my whole family is on the weekends, and those are usually the times that my wife needs to get out of the house, and we usually end up spending time with her family or running errands.

But the first bit of good news is that baby Brie will sleep anywhere. When you hear the saying: "I slept like a baby", most people mean to say that they slept long and hard. News to you if you haven't had a baby: babies don't sleep long. They just sleep hard. Once they fall asleep they can be in a noisy room full of screaming siblings and they tend to be quite content. This is perfect because once I get home, I can hold Brie and give her kisses and play with her hair and fingers and she won't stir a bit. Or, more common, I can play with the baby and hold her while we watch some shows. So once the big kids have gone to sleep I still get my fill of baby cuddling which is wonderful. Besides that she just eats (which I don't have any involvement with just yet), and poops (which isn't really bonding time). She seems to be rarely awake, and mostly non-responsive at this age. So cuddling and kissing is pretty much all we do together. Life with the new baby is pretty one-dimensional, but wonderful.

The other bit of good news is that I really struggle with the concept that: "No success in life can compensate for failure in the home." This hits hard to a father who has to work long hard hours to provide for his family and build his business, and has the second most time-intensive calling in the ward (yes, that's right, I said it. Name another calling that has 3 hour meetings every Tuesday, 3 hours of regular meetings every Sunday, and an additional 1-5 hours of planning a week, plus supplemental weekly activities, regular monthly and annual training, weekly and monthly leadership meetings, frequent parent meetings, a two-full-day camp-out every month of the year except in July when we have scout camp for a full week.) All this means that I'm very focused on making the most of the time with my kids as I can when I actually am home.

Sure there are days when I'm so pooped from work that I can't manage to stand anymore. But, for the most part, I will do anything the kids ask that will give them the maximum father experience for the short time we interact. Lately here are some of the games that they like to play:

Piggy back - A classic. Avery will climb my back first, with James just behind her. They'll hold on tight and we'll run around the house at full speed. This usually ends with me diving onto our bed and the kids spilling everywhere. Or bounding down the stairs until their brains are all mixed up.

Swinging - Avery is a little more brave than James, and so I'll fling her around, spin her, hang her, etc. flip flopping her around until my arms get tired. Then James will petition for a turn. Lately he's been getting braver and really letting me toss him around. Then comes the inevitable: "again, again, again" from Avery who is always asking for more rides.

Flipping - Once my arms are too tired to pick the kids up, I'll lie on my back and with my knees in the air, let the kids lay on my shins. Then I'll kick my legs up so the kids front-flip over my head where I grab their waists and set their feet on the ground. They'll take a dozen or two turns each before my quads really start to feel it.

Toss - James likes to play catch in the house. I like to try to talk him into throwing the football. It's bigger and softer than the other balls, and he can throw a pretty wicked spiral. But sometimes we'll toss a whiffleball, or a balloon, or a small version of a kick-ball, or we'll bounce a rubber ball down the hall at each other. He's pretty good at catching, especially the larger balls. He's even got a lycra and gel frisbee that he's pretty good catching, which is impressive. I don't think I learned to catch a frisbee until I was 9.

Don't tell mom - This game is one of many formats in which I throw a _____ at James and he hits it with a ______. Sometimes it's 'baseball', and we hit a whiffle ball with a toy bat. Sometimes it's 'tennis', when he'll hit any random ball with my raquetball raquet. Or we'll play 'ping-pong', where he hits any random ball (like the football, or bouncey-ball) with any type of stick he can find, (like a toy-sword, or wooden cooking spoon, or plastic ladle, or back scratcher.) Keep in mind that we play this in our living room and James routinely hits the balls at the framed pictures on the walls. Hence...don't tell mom.

Running - I'm trying to breed a small cross-country team, and so far the kids have found it fun. We'll regularly go outside and run up and down the street. James has been particularly fond of running lately ever since I found some temporary wing-tatoos and put them on his ankles like Hermes/Mercury. He has been an extra-fast runner since then. We'll usually run around the block at least once without stopping, and then just run back and forth until he gets tired. Avery doesn't have very good form yet (she looks more like a speed walker), but she likes to try to keep up with her older brother. I just need her to get fast enough to outrun cooties by the time she's a teen. Then I'll be a happy dad.

Park - Whenever we've got extra time, I like to take the kids to the park. We have two close by, and the kids both like to go there often. James likes the slides and just to climb around. Avery prefers to swing, and swing high. James usually reverts to pirate adventures. Avery usually stays on the lookout for dogs, with which she is deeply fascinated. If I'm ever off for a full day, or on a good weekend, I like to take them to some of the parks further away from home. There are lots of parks in our area, and most of them have some pretty unique terrain. In fact, I've been thinking of putting together a website of parks in the city for local dads (and moms, too, I suppose) to utilize to find fun parks. Just this last week, I found a park that instead of a regular play structure has an Pirate ship, complete with slides and flags and steering wheels. There's bound to be some other cool ones out there somewhere.

Shows - I hate having the kids watch TV. And try to never let them watch shows when I'm around. But sometimes the best cuddle time is when they are zoned out on a show, and will hold still long enough for me to nuzzle into them and get my fill of hugs. But listening to Mickey and Toodles gets pretty annoying, so it's never a purely happy experience.

My other fun time with the kids comes when they get up too early in the mornings, before I leave for work, and I get to feed them breakfast, and give them hugs and talk to them before I leave. I'm always late for work when I do this, but it's the best way to start out a day.

James is pretty particular about saying good bye in just the right way. First, he like to get hugs and kisses, then I'm allowed to leave. But I have to roll down my car window and blow him kisses and give him the secret hand signal for how much I love him. Then we both wave and I can leave. If you ever want to see a small boy melt down in tears and uncontrollable sobbing, just stop by on a day that I forget to save goodbye. It only happens once every few months, and is usually because I couldn't see him at the window. But then I'll get the call from the home phone with him sobbing and telling me to come back home so he can blow me kisses. Last time I forgot, he reminded me to blow him kisses every day for about a month.

I love my kids and can't imagine life without them. The week after Brie was born I took a week off work to take care of them while Nicki recuperated and being a stay at home dad was the funnest thing I've done. I wish I got to do it every day. Unfortunately I'm gone a majority of their lives, and I hope they turn out well in spite of it.